


If I could pull the petals off the moon

by UpInOrbit



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dumbass in love, I'm begging you, M/M, Poetry, Suspension Of Disbelief, attempt at fluff, idk what I did with the 'college'
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-13
Updated: 2020-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:27:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22680958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UpInOrbit/pseuds/UpInOrbit
Summary: “I realized I don’t want to spend any more time wishing I had an excuse to go see you, trying to act like I don’t love you so much it hurts sometimes. That I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I lost my chance. I don’t want to be like the guy in the poem, spending my nights awake, missing what I never had, wondering if I’ll ever find someone like you. And if you reject me then so be it, I’ll learn to live with it but I didn’t want to spend one more day wondering what your answer would be,” Jeno whispered, trying to keep the tears from his voice.Or the one in which Hyuck and Jeno are poetry students.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno
Comments: 8
Kudos: 37





	If I could pull the petals off the moon

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cherrycitrus_blossom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrycitrus_blossom/gifts).



> HAPPY BIRTHDAY KATH!!!! You probably saw this one coming but I still hope it's a nice surprise *(hopeful) jazz hands*, or, at least, a nice birthday present!  
> I hope you have an amazing day because it's what someone as amazing as you deserve! You're lovely and lovable and caring and, overall, one of the greatest people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting and it's an honour to be called your friend! I tried my best with the fluff but we all know that's not my thing so I really hope this isn't disappointing!! I wish I could go there and give you a big hug for your birthday but as that can't be (yet), take this fic and all my endless love!  
> Happy birthday Kath, I love you so much!!<33333333

_ I say your name, _

_ In this dark night, _

_ And your name sounds _

_ More distant than ever. _

_ More distant than all the stars, _

_ More painful than the gentle rain. _

As the teacher went on over the significance of the moon and the colour blue in the work of an obscure poet from the XX th Century, Hyuck’s head was slowly dipping lower, his chin almost touching his chest. Every couple of seconds he would raise his head, blinking the sleepiness away, and try to focus on what the teacher was saying, but the time between each of those movements was gradually increasing, and he looked minutes away from falling asleep there and then.

It was on one of those occasions that Jeno’s foot shot forward, hitting the leg of Hyuck’s chair with enough force to move it to the side, jerking the boy sitting on it awake. The sound of the chair screeching against the wooden floor attracted a few eyes and the teacher glared in their general direction, but Jeno smiled his best smile, and soon everyone had forgotten about it.

“Hyuck,” he whispered instead, effectively making Hyuck look at him with narrowed eyes. “We only have ten minutes left, don’t fall asleep.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you actually care about this class,” Hyuck mumbled, blinking the sleepiness away. Jeno internally cooed. “I find it boring as fuck,” he continued, mouthing the words when the teacher looks at them once again.

“You’re really good at it though,” Jeno replied. He was about to say something else when the teacher cleared his throat, making all the students look at him.

“Before the class ends I’d just like to make an announcement. As you all know, we’re about to end the semester, and this class does not have a final exam,” a few students let out excited cheers, although those died out pretty fast when Mr Kim threw a stony glare in their direction. As the class got quiet once again, Jeno saw his teacher’s lips curve into the hint of an amused smile. “However, you do have a final assignment,” the class collectively groaned and Mr Kim’s smile grew. “It is a fairly simple assignment, that you all should be able to carry out if you have been paying attention these past few months. Individually or by pairs, I want you to choose a poem or text from an author we’ve studied before, and analyze it. Afterwards, you will have to present it to the class. Of course, you could also choose someone we haven’t touched if you feel confident enough in yourself,” he added, and Jeno would swear he could see Mr. Kim’s eyes stopping on him for a moment, before passing onto the rest of the class, “but that is not necessary. I want to know with whom you’ll be working with, if you wish to do it by pairs, by next week, as well as the poem you’ve chosen and I, of course, can be used as a resource if you aren’t sure about some parts of the poem. Now, unless you have any questions on the assignment, you’re free to go.”

After a few questions here and there, they were able to pick up their books and finally leave the class. Jeno threw an arm around Hyuck’s shoulders, apparently startling his friend, who smiled weakly at him.

“Do you know which poet you want to analyze?” Hyuck asked.

Jeno pondered for a moment before shaking his head.

“I’m not sure yet. I have a couple of ideas but there are too many great poets and poems, I’ll have to think about it,” he replied. “What about you?” Hyuck merely shook his head, not adding anything, busying himself with his phone. “We could work together for this if you want to,” Jeno suggested, not noticing his friend had stopped walking until he felt a pull from his arm, still around Hyuck’s shoulders.

As he turned around to look at his friend, puzzled by his sudden stop, he found Hyuck staring at him in surprise, and something that looked like panic passed through his eyes, although it was gone way too soon for Jeno to be sure.

“You and I?” Hyuck repeated, fingers frozen mid-typing.

“Yeah?” Jeno replied, confused. “It was just a suggestion, we don’t have to do it if you don’t want to or if you already had another idea,” he continued, rubbing the back of his neck, some awkwardness bleeding into his voice.

That seemed to snap Hyuck to snap out of whatever had gotten into him.

“No! Of course not!” He said, so vehemently it surprised Jeno. “It’s not you, it’s just that I’m so busy lately that I barely have time to take care of my classes and this project is just added workload. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I think I’d rather do this one alone,” Hyuck continued, his voice turning a bit unsure, almost shy. Hyuck was almost never shy, and Jeno frowned. “I know you care a lot about this class, but honestly I don’t think I’ll put in that much of an effort and I’ll just do whatever and I don’t want to drag you down,” as he spoke, Hyuck raised his face to look at Jeno, a silent plea in his eyes. 

Jeno felt himself soften at Hyuck’s antics, something that was starting to become quite usual. After all, he had never been one able to resist Hyuck’s charms.

“You know I wouldn’t care, I like working with you and if I can help you lessen your workload, I’d do so gladly,” he said. Hyuck opened his mouth to reply, but Jeno wasn’t finished. “However, I also know you wouldn’t enjoy that, so I will not insist.”

“Thank you,” Hyuck whispered, a weak smile on his face.

“I will maintain my offer, though.”

“I wasn’t expecting anything else from you,” Hyuck replied, slowly returning to his usual self. “I doubt I will be changing my mind, but that’s very nice of you.”

“When am I ever not nice?” Jeno said, a cheeky smile on his face.

“Shut up,” Hyuck rolled his eyes and weakly pushed him away, causing Jeno to laugh, jumping away from Hyuck, before returning to his side and enveloping in a back hug, quietly laughing against his neck. They walked a couple more meters before Hyuck said something else. “You know, I don’t really like this class,” he admitted, more to himself than to Jeno, but Jeno moved away to properly look at him, so that Hyuck would know he was listening. “But I don’t regret taking it, I’m glad it allowed me to meet you.”

A wave of warmth spread through Jeno’s veins and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling as he looked at Hyuck, who was slowly blushing and had averted his eyes away from Jeno. 

“I’m really glad too,” he said, tightening his grip around Hyuck and bringing him closer to his chest. “We have friends in common, but who knows how long it would have taken us to meet, if we ever met at all, if we hadn’t chosen this class,” he continued, burying his face in Hyuck’s neck.

“Yeah, who knows,” Hyuck repeated his words.

***

“Are you okay?” Jeno asked the mop of hair that was his friend. He received an unintelligible answer from where Hyuck was seated with his face pressed against the table, his cheek squished against the wooden surface. “Is he okay?” Jeno turned around to ask Renjun and Jaemin, pretending not to see their intertwined hands that hung in the space between their chairs.

“Yeah. You know Hyuck, he’s just being dramatic,” Renjun replied, before turning back to the spreadsheet on his computer. 

Hyuck then said something in response, that was completely ignored as none of them understood what he had just said. Frowning slightly, Jeno sat down beside his friend.

“What is he being dramatic about this time?”

“Hyuck?” Said a voice to their right, and Jeno turned his head to the side in time to see Mark arrive at their table, pulling the last chair out and sitting on it. “He’s just stressed out with all the assignments he has to do.”

“Do you really have that many?” Jaemin asked, looking at his boyfriend with a slight pout as Renjun freed his own hand. Renjun rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed at his boyfriend’s antics, before going back to his computer.

“Yes, he does, and it’s his fault,” Mark replied, clicking his tongue.

“What do you mean?” Jeno asked as he dug his poetry books from his bag.

Before Mark could reply, Hyuck raised his head from the table, his cheek red and hair matted from having leant his head on the table, and glared at him.

“Mark is just being annoying,” he replied through clenched teeth. “I told you I’m fine.”

Mark shot him an unimpressed look as he pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“You say a lot of things I don’t entirely believe, Hyuck,” Mark replied, causing his friend to huff in annoyance. “And I still worry about you because you’ve got _way_ too much work,” Mark insisted.

“Mark…,” Donghyuck sais.

Something in Hyuck and Mark’s tone made Jeno look up, and found each other staring at each other in annoyance, both glaring at the other. Confused, Jeno looked at Renjun and Jaemin to see if any of them knew something that he didn’t. Jaemin’s expression was as puzzled as Jeno’s, while Renjun just looked resigned, as if he had been a witness to that conversation way too many times.

It made sense, after all. Jeno and Jaemin were childhood friends, like Mark and Donghyuck were. But while Jeno only knew Hyuck because they took the same poetry class together (which he still didn’t understand, seeing as Hyuck was studying a much more technical degree), Renjun, Mark and Hyuck knew each other from high-school. It wasn’t until Jaemin and Renjun had started dating that Jaemin and he had finally met the rest of the gang, and there were still things that they didn’t know, much like just then.

“Hyuck, we are just worried,” Renjun said then, cutting in their conversation before it could escalate anymore. 

“Thank you,” Mark replied, pointing at Renjun like he was the voice of reason.

“But Mark,” Renjun continued, undeterred, “we also promised we’d support Hyuck and help him in anything we could.”

“Thank you, Renjun,” Hyuck said then, his tone turning victorious.

“That’s it, until the end of the semester, Hyuck. You promised us you’d try and change this situation because it’s ridiculous and you can’t continue like this,” Renjun finished with a pointed look, causing Hyuck to groan as he rubbed his eyes.

Jeno patted his knee in sympathy and Hyuck stiffened slightly before relaxing completely, throwing him a grateful smile.

“I know, Renjun. I promise I will, next semester will change,” he replied, his voice completely serious and free from any of his usual playfulness. “I’m sorry, by the way, Mark,” he continued after a beat of silence. “I know you’re just worried about me, I shouldn’t have snapped, I’m just tired these days.”

“It’s okay, Hyuckie,” Mark replied, his lips curving into a fond smile as he reached forward to ruffle his best friend’s hair. “You know I’m always on your side, just…,” Mark looked up, and found them all staring at them both, which apparently made him change his mind about whatever he was about to say, as he closed his mouth suddenly before continuing his sentence. “Just take care, and message us if you ever need something.”

Hyuck nodded, smiling back at Mark, and that was it. 

Jeno and Jaemin exchanged a confused look and Jaemin turned to Renjun, silently asking what that had been about. Renjun pursed his lips before shaking his head and Jeno and Jaemin looked at each other again. Finally, Jeno shrugged, and went back to his studying. He trusted Hyuck to let him in if it ever came to that. Until then, he had many important things to do, and poems to analyze.

He knew many people found it boring, but it was actually one of his favourite things to study, how someone told a story, but that story changed when you dove deeper, trying to find the hidden meanings behind the words and images chosen. How a colour or an object meant different things for one person and another, how the moon could symbolize rebirth for a poet but death for a different one.

It was why he was having so many difficulties to choose a poem to analyze for his class, and by the time he thought he had finally settled down on one, most of his friends had already left the library.

Blinking owlishly, Jeno turned around to Hyuck, and found him already looking at him.

“What happened? Where did the rest go?”

“They went home like half an hour ago, Jeno,” Hyuck replied with a small, fond smile. He raised his hand to caress Jeno’s cheek, his finger tracing a path on his skin. “Your cheek is red from leaning your face against your palm,” Hyuck explained, and Jeno rubbed the area, like that would be enough to erase it.

“Why didn’t they say anything?” He complained.

“You were so immersed in your book they didn’t want to disturb you. They told me to say goodbye to you, and Jaemin said you needed to call him later. Something about the club’s meeting,” Hyuck said.

“Oh, thank you,” Jeno replied. He saw Hyuck had already put away his books, and decided to do the same. It was then that he saw the time it was on the watch the hung on the library’s wall. “Hyuck, it’s so late! Why didn’t you say anything?” He cried out as he rushed to put everything away.

“I didn’t want to disturb you!”

“And why didn’t you leave!? You shouldn’t have waited for me!”

“And leave you alone?” Hyuck huffed, like it was the most ridiculous idea. “Please, you’re stuck with me, Lee.”

“You didn’t need to wait for me, Hyuck.”

“Maybe not, but we always go back together and I didn’t want you going back all alone when it’s so dark already,” his friend said as he stood up.

“What are you even talking about, Hyuck, I don’t need protection,” Jeno replied, rolling his eyes good-naturedly.

“Oh, come on, Jeno, we all know you’re nothing but an overgrown baby,” Hyuck retorted, shaking his head.

“Oh, really?” Jeno said then, eyes twinkling with mischief as Hyuck nodded. “And I guess _you_ are supposed to protect _me_ , then?”

“Maybe I am,” Hyuck replied, puffing his chest out.

“I’d like to see that one day! If I’m a baby, then what does that make you?” Jeno said, rising to his full height and smirking slightly.

Hyuck then stood on his tiptoes, trying to gain some height on Jeno, but that ended as soon as Jeno stood on his tiptoes too. Defeated, Hyuck crossed his arms with a petulant pout and turned away to leave Jeno behind.

“That’s it then! No more accompanying you home!” Hyuck said as he walked away.

Laughing, Jeno rushed to Hyuck’s side, not saying anything on how it was _Jeno_ who walked Hyuck home, and not the other way round.

“Don’t be mad, Hyuck,” he chose to reply instead. “You know there’s no one I would rather have walk me home,” he continued, and Hyuck side-eyed him.

“As it should be!”

Jeno merely smiled in reply, not saying anything, being content just by standing next to Hyuck. Together, they left the building, the cold air hitting their skin as soon as they exited it. It caused Hyuck to wrap his coat around him and move closer to Jeno, almost squeezing himself against Jeno’s side.

Slightly surprised, Jeno just looked at Hyuck with arched eyebrows, but let him do as he pleased, the smile on his lips turning soft. Slowly, they started their way back home. They were halfway there when the silence between them was finally broken.

“Did you choose what poem you’re going to analyze for class?” Hyuck asked, turning his head to look at Jeno with his bright eyes wide open.

Generally speaking, Jeno didn’t really enjoy talking about those topics because he knew that, as much as his friends may be interested in hearing what he had to say, it wasn’t actually something that interested them per se, so he always worried he’d bore them to death or, even worse, annoy them deeply. It wasn’t something entirely logical, his friends had repeatedly told him they loved hearing him speak about something he was so passionate about, but it was something that always lingered at the edge of Jeno’s mind, something he couldn’t entirely get rid of.

With Hyuck, however, that was different. It wasn’t only that they shared that class, so Hyuck had some prior knowledge of what Jeno was talking about, but also the fact that, when Hyuck looked at him, Jeno felt like he was being given Hyuck’s full attention, so absorbing there was no space in Jeno’s mind for any doubting. It had been that way from the start, from that first day Hyuck had stumbled in their class and, doe-eyed and almost shyly, asked Jeno for a pen. 

That had been the start of everything, really.

“I have,” Jeno finally replied with a nod. “It’s a secret, though,” he continued with a cheeky smile when Hyuck opened his mouth. Frowning, Hyuck pressed his lips together, a twinkle in his eyes. “If you want to know who I chose, you’ll have to wait until the class presentation, like everyone else!” He grinned brightly. Hyuck nodded, the spark in his eyes vanishing, replaced by a thoughtful expression. “Did you choose yours?”

Hyuck didn’t reply at first, and Jeno bumped his shoulder lightly against Hyuck’s to get back his attention. His friend looked up, confusion etched in the lines of his face, and Jeno repeated his question.

“Ah,” Hyuck said, mouth open for a second longer than necessary. “I don’t know yet, I still have a lot to look through.”

“I can help you, if you want to.”

Hyuck shook his head, a faint smile on his lips.

“Thank you but that won’t be necessary. I just have many things to consider as it is,” he replied.

Jeno hummed, accepting Hyuck’s answer. As they continued to walk, it dawned on him that they were almost to Hyuck’s house so, taking a deep breath, Jeno decided to finally ask what had been on his mind for quite some time.

“Hey, Hyuck…,” his friend tilted his head to have a better look at Jeno, silently encouraging him to go on. “Don’t get mad about this and you don’t actually have to reply if you don’t want to,” Jeno started, his words rushing out one after the other, causing Hyuck to frown in reply, “but is there something you’re not telling me? Because I feel like there is and it’s been bugging me for quite some time but you really don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to or if it’s none of my business, seriously.”

Hyuck stared at him for a second, lips parted and a blank expression on his face. Then, he sighed, eyes cast down, and Jeno felt something squeezing his heart, worry at having his suspicions confirmed.

“It’s nothing really important,” Hyuck started, voice so low Jeno could barely hear him. “I just… Have to think about some things, but I promise you it’s nothing bad,” he assured him, and Jeno found it was a little easier to breathe after that. “When I have everything sorted out, I promise you’ll be the first to know.”

As Hyuck spoke, they slowed down their pace without them even noticing and, when Jeno looked around, he realized they were standing in front of Hyuck’s house.

“Okey, as long as you’re comfortable sharing it with me,” Jeno replied, and Hyuck smiled, even if the smile did not reach his eyes.

“It’s nothing bad, I swear, it’s just… Me being my usual dumb self,” Hyuck insisted. It made Jeno frown, but Hyuck wasn’t done speaking. “I’ll tell you soon, I promise, I just hope you won’t get mad.”

That made Jeno’s frown melt away, his expression softening.

“If it’s nothing bad, then I’m sure I won’t get mad,” Jeno reassured him.

Hyuck bit his lip, apparently unconvinced by Jeno’s words, but he still nodded, lips twisting in a brief smile.

“Thank you,” he whispered, leaning forward to envelop Jeno in a quick but strong hug. “See you tomorrow,” he said before turning around and disappearing inside his building under Jeno’s watchful gaze.

Smiling to himself, Jeno tore his eyes away from Hyuck’s retreating form, and headed back home.

***

“And that’s it for today,” distracted, Jeno hadn’t listened to most of Mr Kim’s speech, but those last words caught his attention, surprising him. “You’ve all done a great job, and most of you have passed with flying grades, I promise you. Now that you’ve all done your presentations, I’ll try to give you all your marks soon. Thank you, you’re free to go now.”

Around Jeno, his classmates rushed to put their things in their bags and leave, excited at the prospect of leaving their class almost half an hour earlier than usual. Jeno, however, stood frozen in his seat, unsure whether or not he had heard correctly.

When he saw his teacher heading for the door, too, Jeno practically leapt from his chair, rushing to catch him before he left.

“Oh, hey, Jeno. I hadn’t seen you seating there. Are you done for the day? I could give you a ride home,” his teacher and neighbour, Doyoung, whom he had known since he was a kid, offered him with a sweet smile. “Jeno?” He repeated when Jeno didn’t answer.

“No, thank you, Doyoung, I still have some things to do here,” Jeno replied, hesitating a little bit as he thought on how to ask Doyoung what he wanted to ask him.

“What is it then? If it’s about your grades, you don’t have anything to worry about, you did a great job on that poem,” Doyoung reassured him, and Jeno smiled back in reply, even if his smile was a little dimmer than usual.

“Thanks again but that’s not it,” taking a deep breath, Jeno decided to ask right away. “You said we had finished with our presentations but that’s not it, right?”

Doyoung frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s still someone who hasn’t done their presentation,” Jeno replied, rubbing the back of his neck as he asked.

“No, there isn’t?” Doyoung said, frowning in confusion. “That was it, Jeno. All sixty-seven of you did your presentation. I can show you the list if you’d like me to,” he added as he took in Jeno’s expression.

Unable to find his words, Jeno nodded in reply, and Doyoung handed him a sheet of paper, his eyes betraying his concern. Jeno took the paper with shaky hands and his eyes scanned over the page. 

Sixty-seven names, like Doyoung had said. None of them the one Jeno was looking for.

“Thank you,” he replied, attempting a smile. Retrieving the paper, Doyoung didn’t seem convinced.

“Is there anything you want to tell me, Jeno?”

Jeno shook his head, his mind racing ahead.

“Don’t worry about it, Doyoung. I think there was a misunderstanding, but everything’s fine, really,” he insisted as he saw the doubt still shining in Doyoung’s eyes.

“If you say so…”

“I do. Don’t worry about it, seriously. It isn’t important.”

“I’ll believe you, then,” Doyoung scanned Jeno’s face for a couple more seconds before turning away to leave. As he took his first step towards the door, however, he stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Are you sure you don’t want me to give you a ride?”

“I’m sure, Doyoung, thank you. I still need to do some things here before I can leave.”

“Fine, then. I’ll still be here for a little while, so if you change your mind, don’t hesitate to call, okay?”

With a final nod from Jeno, Doyoung finally exited the room, and Jeno was left alone, standing in the middle of it. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to calm his agitated mind.

Once he did so, he opened his eyes, determination shining in them. He had someone to find.

***

Hyuck was hunched over his books, seated at a desk at the far end of the library. He barely looked up as Jeno approached, and only did so when Jeno pulled out a chair to sit on.

“Jeno? What are you doing here?” Hyuck asked, blinking slowly. A highlighter dangled between his fingers, just shy of touching the page Hyuck had been working on. “Don’t you have class?”

“Don’t _you_?” Jeno asked back, and Hyuck paled, eyes widening almost imperceptibly. He opened his mouth to reply but before he could do so Jeno tilted his head towards the exit. “Let’s go outside, I think we have quite a bit to talk about.”

Hyuck nodded, still looking pale, but as he rose from his chair he looked down and cursed softly.

“My books, Jeno, I can’t—“

“Leave them here, I doubt anyone will want them, to be honest. Or put them away, whatever you prefer.”

After an instant’s hesitation, Hyuck decided to leave the books behind and both of them headed towards the libraries door. Jeno led the way, and, going down the staircase, walked towards a yard behind the library’s building, Hyuck following close behind. It was practically deserted, with most of the students inside, either in class or preparing for their exams, which made it a perfect place for the conversation they were going to have.

Stopping after making sure they were far enough from the building no one could hear them if they happened to walk on them as they spoke, Jeno turned around to look at his friend.

“When were you planning on telling me you were never enrolled in Doyoung’s class?”

Hyuck groaned at that, burying his face in his hands. Leaning his back against the wall, he slowly dropped to the ground, Jeno following his movements to remain at eye level with him.

“This week. I swear it was going to be this week,” Hyuck replied before finally dropping his hands from his face. “I am so sorry, Jeno. I really am. It was so stupid but I shouldn’t have done it.”

“I’m not mad, Hyuck,” Jeno then said, extending his hand to briefly squeeze one of Hyuck’s. “I’m just really confused, what did you do? And why?”

Hyuck rested his head against the wall, face tilted towards the sky, and let out a long sigh.

“Do you remember the first day of class?” He asked, still facing the sky. Jeno hummed in response. “I walked into the wrong class,” he admitted, turning his face towards Jeno, long enough for him to see Hyuck’s pained expression. “I realized only after I walked into it and I would have left, but I had already interrupted the class by being late and I didn’t want to interrupt it any further.”

“Okay, but then why did you keep coming?” Jeno interrupted, causing Hyuck to grimace.

“Please, just… Let me tell you the whole story and then you can ask me any questions you have,” Jeno nodded, mumbling an apology, and Hyuck resumed his explanation. “There was no reason for me to stay in that class, I think that’s pretty obvious. I was not enrolled and I had little interest in it, but when I sat in the class I realized I had lost my pen somewhere, so I asked for one,” Hyuck threw Jeno a side glance, and Jeno squeezed his hand to encourage him to keep going. “I asked you for one. And normally that wouldn’t be a big deal for me, it’s just a pen, but I had to ask _you_ , out of everyone in that class.”

“I’m not sure I understand,” Jeno said slowly, even is the loud racing of his heart in his ears betrayed his words.

“I’ve had a crush on you ever since I first saw you, but I didn’t know how to approach you,” Hyuck confessed in a whisper, his ears turning read, his words all jumbled up. “I always saw you around campus, talking to people and helping them and smiling at them and I was infatuated, I’ll admit it, but I didn’t know how to approach you, you intimidated me so much, and our circles never overlapped, so when I saw you at that class I thought that was my chance. I’ve always been a very impulsive person, Mark knows it, and before I knew it I was back in that classroom for a second class, and a third, and a fourth. And I wanted to stop doing it, especially when Renjun and Jaemin started dating and we saw each other outside of class, but we had become friends at that point and I didn’t want to screw it up by saying anything. I didn’t want you to think I was a weirdo or something,” Hyuck said, his voice barely audible. “That’s why Mark was so mad at me, he wanted me to come clean, and I swear I was going to do it, I just completely forgot today were the presentations. That’s how you know, right?”

Jeno nodded.

“Doyoung said we were finished but you hadn’t done yours so I checked the list and realized you weren’t enrolled in that class. You should have told me, Hyuck,” he said, and Hyuck shut his eyes together, like he was fighting tears welling up behind his eyelids.

“I wanted to, I swear I wanted to. I just couldn’t. If you knew the dumb shit I’ve done these past months…”

“Like staying up during the night to understand the concepts I didn’t get so that you could teach them to me?” Jeno asked softly, and Hyuck tensed up.

“How…?”

“Mark told me after I voiced my suspicions to him, just before I came looking for you,” he admitted. 

Hyuck let out a humourless chuckle.

“I would have done that for any of my friends, it was just slightly more difficult because I couldn’t ask for your notes and I only took my own that one time you couldn’t come. It’s just so stupid, I know.”

“Hyuck…”

“I’m sorry, Jeno, I really am. I shouldn’t have done that. I know I shouldn’t, I just did, and as much as it may hurt, I understand if you don’t want to talk to me for a while, or ever again, for that matter.”

Hyuck tried to stand up, his head hanging low between his shoulders, looking anywhere but in Jeno’s direction, but as he tried to leave, Jeno wrapped his hand around Hyuck’s wrist, locking him in place. 

Frozen, Hyuck only slightly turned his face towards Jeno, sneaking a glance at him.

“Hyuck, don’t leave just yet, please,” Jeno begged. A myriad of emotions passed through Hyuck’s face before finally giving Jeno a weak nod and crouching again. “Hyuck, I’m not mad, I swear.”

“I don’t how you aren’t, you should be,” Hyuck replied in a whisper. Jeno shook his head.

“But I am not, Hyuck, I swear I’m not. I just wish you would have said something sooner, or that I had said something, anything, to prevent this situation, because we could have had so much time if any of us had done something instead of keeping quiet,” Jeno sighed, watching as confusion clouded Hyuck’s eyes. “I wish we had done so many things differently, I really do.”

“I don’t understand, Jeno,” Hyuck said, but Jeno didn’t reply, instead continuing like Hyuck hadn’t said a thing.

“And I wish I could write poetry for you, about how you have constellations on your skin and I don’t need the sky to see the stars shining upon me and trust me, I tried, but I couldn’t do that yet and today? Today I just presented my analysis on a poem and do you know what I realized?”

“What?” Hyuck asked, his voice barely over a whisper. 

Jeno leaned forward, bringing his face closer to Hyuck’s, so close Hyuck’s eyes glimmered, tentative hope flickering in them.

“That I don’t want to spend any more time wishing I had an excuse to go see you, trying to act like I don’t love you so much it hurts sometimes. That I don’t want to wake up one day and realize I lost my chance. I don’t want to be like the guy in the poem, spending my nights awake, missing what I never had, wondering if I’ll ever find someone like you. And if you reject me then so be it, I’ll learn to live with it but I didn’t want to spend one more day wondering what your answer would be,” Jeno whispered, trying to keep the tears from his voice.

“You haven’t asked,” Hyuck replied instead, and Jeno frowned, surprised.

“Hyuck? What?” Feeling the beginning of heartbreak approaching, his hopes crushed under Hyuck’s thumb.

“You haven’t asked me anything, Jeno,” Hyuck repeated with a watery smile, something like encouragement in the corner of his lips, in the tilt of his smile. “You say you want my answer but you never asked anything.”

Jeno stared at Hyuck, eyes wide, for a moment, before a small smile bloomed on his lips, slowly growing until it took over his whole face, brightening him. Ducking his head, Jeno let out a breathless laugh.

“Hyuck? Would you like to go out with me sometime?” Jeno asked, holding Hyuck’s hands between his own, softly caressing them with his fingers.

“I’d love to, Jeno. You can’t imagine just how much I’ve waited for this day to come,” Hyuck replied, bringing his face closer to Jeno’s, leaning until their foreheads touched and their breathes mingled, lips just centimetres apart.

Hyuck smile, a twin smile to the one on Jeno’s face, and he knew he might be a little dumb sometimes, but he also knew it’d all be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> So. I can't say I know what I just did because I just. Don't. But hopefully it was nice? I tried my best with the college setting but my own university does not work like that so I don't know if it's believable, just consider it necessary for plot devices (??)  
> In case you're wondering, the poem Jeno's talking about does, in fact, exist. It's called [Si mis manos pudieran deshojar](https://allpoetry.com/Si-Mis-Manos-Pudieran-Deshojar------With-English-Translation) (roughly translated to 'If my hands could defoliate') and that's where I got the title from, except with a little artistic license because 'defoliate' just sounded horribly wrong. It's from who's probably one of my favorite Spanish poets, Federico García Lorca, and it's really beautiful, it talks about the regrets of missing a past love, which I thought was kinda fitting for this. A short extract from it is at the beginning of this fic (I translated it myself, so I hope it wasn't it too bad jsjsjsjs)  
> And that's it from me. I really hope you've enjoyed it ^^  
> Happy birthday Kath, I love you so much, I hope you liked it!  
> Comments and kudos warm my heart <3
> 
> [tw](https://twitter.com/starryjinsouls) || [cc](https://curiouscat.me/Val_99)
> 
> \- Val


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